My Half Thyroid: On the Fritz

Wouldn'tcha know it?! About two weeks ago, I wished my Frankenneck a happy birthday, and yesterday I got a call from the doctor. My thyroid is on the fritz, and I need to take Synthroid (synthetic thyroid hormones) for two months, when I'll be tested again.

That's a fine how-do-you-do.

I had a mini meltdown on the phone with the nurse because she couldn't answer any of my questions. And I'm a little stunned that the nurse actually believed she could call me out of the blue to announce I had a prescription waiting at the pharmacy, and that I would just mindlessly start taking hormones and call back in two months.

Do people do that?

I had a few questions before I was going to put anything into my body, and after a consultation with the goddess of thryoid info, a.k.a., Erika, I had a few more:

• What was my number?
• When would they test me again?
• Would I gain weight?
• Should I be worried?
• Could I continue to eat cruciferous vegetables?

I pouted and picked my way through a coconut milk stir fry (Is this the last broccoli I'll be eating for... a while? Forever?) and headed to Dr. Lifshen's office. As always, he took plenty of time to explain what the devil is going on and allayed my fears. Two thumbs up on Dr. Lifshen.

What was my number?
"Normal" thyroid readings end at six. Last year, after my surgery, mine was at 2.3... beautiful! Last week, it was 4.5 – still within the normal range but double what it was last year. My thyroid doc and Dr. L. think it would be best to put me on a low dose of Synthroid for a few months just to see what's what.

When would they test me again?
They're testing me again in 6-8 weeks, which Erika thought was very good news. That means they're not thinking synthetic hormones FOREVER, necessarily.

Would I gain weight?
I will not gain weight from the hormones. In fact, the opposite might be true. There's a possibility that a wonky thyroid is what's been making my success with Mission 17 so slow/non-existent. Dr. L. cautioned that I won't "instantly start losing weight," but explained that when my hormones are at the right levels – perhaps within this two month window – I could see some progress there. The improvement in my thyroid hormone levels should also help with sleeping better and my Sahara-dry hair and skin.

Should I be worried?
According to Dr. L. there is absolutely no reason for me to be worried about anything. In fact, the rest of my blood work was in the excellent range. Direct quote: "You're going to live forever."

Could I continue to eat cruciferous vegetables?
Dr. L. didn't seem at all concerned about the potential thryoid-suppressing qualities of cruciferous vegetables like cabbage, broccoli, kale, Brussels sprouts, cauliflower, turnips. Observant readers will note that those veggies are in my diet almost every day and contain completely kickass antioxidant properties. I dug around lots of online research last night (here and here and here [this is the best one]), and the general consensus seems to be that cooking the vegetables reduces the goitrogens that monkey with thyroid function. I'll probably stop my occasional two-cabbage-a-day habit, but I'm not going to cut out these veggies all-together.
So... it's all actually pretty good news – and I was reminded of two important things:

1. Make time for your annual appointments.
I procrastinate like nobody's business on my annual GYN and eye exam and dentist appointments. Come on, admit it! You probably say this to yourself, too: "I take such good care of myself. I know I should go to my [insert appointment here]. I'll go next month/paycheck/after vacation/whatever."

My thyroid hiccup is a reminder that those annual maintenance check-ins are important because I do take such good care of myself. The foundation of physical training is an accurately functioning body – and it needs to be supported with smart nutrition and those vicious workouts we all love so much.

2. Make your doctor talk
Dr. Lifshen was wonderful once I was in the office. But I think both he and the nurse were off-base when they expected me to just start taking my prescription without a conversation. If I hadn't gotten my ass into the exam room, I wouldn't have had the answers to any of my questions.

It's the worth the time and cost of an office visit to truly understand the situation. I'd never let a tattoo artist start inking me without a lot of discussion first, and think about how much you consulted with your hair stylist before scissors started snipping hair. If you receive news from a nurse or doctor that you don't understand, insist that they educate you so you can take part in your own healthcare.

Now, my only remaining question: Do you think taking Synthroid every morning will give me Synthroid Rage?! :-)

Recover and Rebound

Y'all know I took it deep on Thanksgiving. That was kind of my intention, and although I can't eat nearly as much as I used to (I was a championship-level eater, people. A champion!), I consumed more than I usually do at one sitting... and I paid a small price.

Add one part "overstuffed feeling" to two parts "grain- and dairy-induced bloating," then top that off with almost 10 days of missed workouts while wheezing under the jackboot of a head cold, and you get a recipe for a very unhappy version of me. Which is where I was on Saturday evening.

Here's a thing you probably don't know about me: I love working out – and I will take EVERY excuse to skip my workout. I need to talk myself into my workout clothes EVERY DAY. Even though I love it. It's called resistance, and it's a bitch.

I can bench press and kettlebell and sprint and overhead squat until sweat soaks my braids, and I'm bursting with joy. And I can know in my head and in my heart that I always feel better after a workout than I did before. But the resistance to getting started is there. Every damn day. Dave's forever quoting the book The War of Art to me: "Resistance tells you not to try. Resistance gives you excuses. F*ck resistance."

When I'm sick like I was like week, I'm in near-constant turmoil, caught between my rational knowledge that I'm not 100% and need rest to be strong – and my irrational fear that I'm not truly sick, that my real ailment is resistance and that I'm essentially a lazy sloth that would rather be lying in a lump on the couch, inhaling buttered popcorn while talking smack about the string of guests and commentators on daytime TV. (Daytime TV... it's like the dried breadcrumb of entertainment: useless on its own, sucks up whatever's around it, makes you feel bloated and sad.)

Speaking of bloated and sad... I was not feeling my CrossFit, dino-chow best after my virus and Thanksgiving adventures. I knew the only way back to HappyTown was clean eating and a few solid workouts, but man! just the idea of a met-con was wearing me out. Today, just three days later, I feel a billion times better. Here's what I did – and maybe what you can try, too – to get noggin and body back in proper alignment:

Get dressed.
I shuffled around the house for almost a whole week in "squishy" pants, my broke-down leopard print slippers, and a two-sizes-too-big sweatshirt over a cami and a ripped, long-sleeved silk t-shirt. Pretty girl!

Monday morning, I pulled my skinny jeans out of the closet, took a deep breath for courage, and... zip! My jeans fit exactly the same. My phantom fat roll had been playing tricks on me, making me think I was a big girl again. Nonsense!

Should you find your favorite jeans a bit snug after holiday indulgence or seasonal ailments, give yourself a hug, put on something comfortable and attractive (not the squishy pants!), and place the offending jeans back in the closet for two weeks while you attend to the remaining items on the list below.

Return to routine. Now.
My friend Jesse Dayton wrote a rockabilly song called "Shoulda Coulda Woulda" about how a dude might be less of a dog if he had a do-over. I sing it to myself when I start to think things like, "Oh, man. I shouldn't have had that second brownie." Or, "F*ck! I should be able to do a kipping pullup by now."

Shoulda. Coulda. Woulda.

To get better, we need to let go of the notions of "should" and "could," and we don't really get do-overs.

What we get is an opportunity to do. Now.

I spent about two hours on Sunday afternoon reclaming the kitchen from the T-Giving holiday. First, I gave away the remaining bacon bourbon brownies. I very seriously considered snarfing "just one more," but had to get real with myself and recognize that the flavor of the brownie was not going to make me happy. Momentary pleasure could in no way replace the deep satisfaction of my real life. It was a rough few minutes... and then I moved on. I roasted turnips and beets. I cleaned kale and beet tops and swiss chard for sautéing. I grilled a pile of sausage and chicken and elk burgers. I even packed my lunch for Monday, essentially cleaning and organizing my "tools" so normal routine could resume.

But nutrition is only half of my normal equation, and workout resistance was at a truly terrifying high. By Sunday, even Dave was raising eyebrows at my willingness to lie around instead of work up a sweat. So Sunday night, I wrote my workout for Monday morning in my workout journal – in pen – and left the notebook open on the kitchen counter where I would see it. Then I started my pre-bed routine, set the alarm for 6:00 a.m., and made the promise to myself that even if I only got seven hours of sleep, I was going to the gym. Resistance needed to be beaten.

If you find yourself floundering, start with tactical actions. Make a grocery list and GO shopping. Cook something healthy. Do a short met-con or some yoga or handstand practice NOW. Move. Prepare. But do not allow yourself to meander in the land of excuses and regret. Do not "start tomorrow." Start now.


Plan for next time.
My Thanksgiving experience got me thinking about Christmas and what I might do differently. It's our family tradition to have lasagna on Christmas Eve, but I don't want to spend Christmas day feeling lousy, so I'm thinking now about how to adapt my favorite Cook's Illustrated lasagna recipe to work without noodles and cheese. I'm sure it's going to take some failed experimentation, but the investment seems worth it. (I think I might see a sort of cauliflower "noodle" in my future, and if it works, I will totally share.)

I also know that part of my overall blechiness was lack of workout in the days leading up to and immediately following the T-Giving feast. Barring another visit from a stubborn virus, I'm going to maintain my usual training schedule through the holidays. I even made up a special Christmas workout to inject a little ho! ho! ho! into the heave-ho.

None of us is perfect, and we all define cheating, treats, being "on program," and our expectations of ourselves differently. The trick, I think, is to continue to define and re-define ourselves and what works for us, so we can be the best versions of ourselves at any given moment.


Turn to experts.
When I'm feeling lost, I turn to "my people." I go to my Weight Watchers meetings, I write in my blog, I email my CrossFit mentors, and I read CrossFit and nutrition blogs that speak the language I need to hear. My dear friend Sara called it "filling the well," and when times are tough, I drink long and hard at the well.

If you've been a lifelong athlete or have been CrossFitting for years, you might say to yourself, "I KNOW what I'm supposed to do, I just have to do it." I call bullshit on that. I think everyone can benefit from community and hearing from the experts, even if it's just confirming for you what you already know. I mean, you don't stop watching National Lampoon's Vacation just because you can recite the lines, "Sorry folks, park's closed. Moose out front shoulda told ya." in unison with John Candy, right?!

In advertising, there's a rule of thumb that a consumer needs to see or hear a message seven times for it to be absorbed and 13 times to take action. If you need a course correction, immerse yourself in the community and messages you need to hear to get back on track. All of the blogs listed in my left-hand column are good places to start, and this "Derailed" post from Melissa Urban about how to bounce back from Life Stuff is particularly relevant to climbing out of a foxhole.

So... that's my story. How are YOU feeling after the holiday? Did you learn anything? Are you making plans for Christmas, or are you feeling calm about the upcoming party season? Post to comments and let us know!

Three Words to Survive the Holidays

CrossFit Watertown and Santa remind us:

Don't. Be. Stupid.

Turkey Tales and Bacon Bourbon Brownies

Dave and I had a lovely Thanksgiving filled with delicious food, naps, getting to know the kitty that recently adopted us, and spiffing up our house with a fresh coat of paint. If you don't want to sully your image of me by reading about my food-related debauchery, you might want to just look at our smiling faces, the new kitty Smudge, and move on.
If you're still here, hold on tight and join me for a romp through my non-dino adventures...

I enjoyed a fair amount of indulgence on Thanksgiving, and I savored every bite. At Trio, I ate paté and crackers; turkey with cornbread stuffing under it – and gravy and cranberry sauce drizzled over it; slivered red cabbage that was surely sauteed in butter (made from cream!); and tastes of many different kinds of dessert.

Seriously. I had about three bites of each of those. My favorite surprised me: the Passion Fruit Macaroon seen below. It definitely involved some marzipan and was held together with butter-and-sugar spackle. I love white frosting!

I'm not too proud to admit that after dinner, Dave and I took a brief stroll by the lake that was cut short by my inability to breath around my "snake that just ate a goat" tummy. I went immediately home and got as flat and as still as possible on the bed until my torso returned to normal.

After a nap, I broke into the Bacon Bourbon Brownies. They were decadently rich and satisyfing. I ate them in 1-inch cubes... on Thursday and Friday... and Saturday. Then I gave the remaining half-pan away to friends and got back on the veggie train. (Mmmm. Bok choy and beet tops and spinach and kale.)

Should you decide to follow in my salty-sweet, hedonistic foosteps, the recipe for the brownies is below, along with some lessons I learned along the way.

The ingredients.
Mmmm. Bourbon-soaked pecans.Butter and chocolate.
Melding the melted chocolate with the sugar and eggs.
Batter in the pan, ready-to-go.
Fresh from the oven.
NOTE: All recommended brands listed below are based on extensive research through past issues of Cook's Illustrated to find the recommendations from their test kitchen for chocolate and bacon. The concept for the recipe is taken from a Slashfood post; the technique and basic brownie ingredients are straight from Cook's Illustrated's "Chewy Fudgy Triple-Chocolate Brownies."

The original recipe included smoked salt and pepper, which I left out because they sounded too bacon-y; I might try them next time. My resulting brownies did not taste strongly of bacon, but were very rich, chewy, and flavorful.


Bacon Bourbon Brownies

Ingredients:
1/2 lb. bacon (recommended: Oscar Mayer center cut, thick)
1/2 cup chopped pecans
bourbon (recommended: Jim Beam)

5 ounces bittersweet baking chocolate, chopped (recommended: Nestle)
2 ounces Baker's unsweetened baking chocolate, chopped (recommended: Baker's)
8 tablespoons (1 stick) unsalted butter, cut into quarters
3 tablespoons cocoa powder (recommended: Penzeys)
3 large eggs
1 1/4 cups (8.75 ounces) sugar
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 cup (5 ounces) unbleached all-purpose flour

Directions:
1. Heat oven to 425F.

2. Place chopped pecans in a small bowl and add enough bourbon to just cover them. Set aside to soak up the bourbon. Resist the urge to take a slug of the bourbon because you're waiting waiting waiting and saving saving saving your treat for the finished brownies.

3. Cover a baking pan with aluminum foil. Place bacon in a single layer on the baking sheet. Bake 6-7 minutes, then rotate the pan 180-degrees. Bake an additional 4-7 minutes, or until very crispy. Drain bacon on paper towels and set aside to cool. When cool, chop to desired crumble size. I chopped mine to about a 1/8-inch mince because I wanted some bacon pieces, rather than bacon dust. Ditto for the nuts.

4. Reduce oven temperature to 350F.

5. When about half the bourbon has been absorbed by the pecans, use a slotted spoon to transfer them to a baking sheet. Keep the bourbon! Spread the pecans in a single layer and toast them in the 350F oven for 7-10 minutes. Reserve one teaspoon of the bourbon and drizzle the rest of the bourbon over the pecans. Roast an additional 5-10 minutes until they're toasty brown and are glazed with the bourbon. Set aside.

6. Spray an 8-inch square baking pan with non-stick spray. You can also use a Baker's Edge pan if you like brownie edges. I like the edges a lot, so I tried the Baker's Edge pan. Next time, I think I'd go for the traditional square pan to preserve more of the molten fudginess.

7. In a medium heatproof bowl set over a pan of almost-simmering water (or a double-boiler), melt the chocolates and butter, stirring occasionally until smooth. Whisk in the cocoa until smooth. Set aside to cool.

8. In a medium bowl, whisk together the eggs, sugar, vanilla, salt, and reserved teaspoon of bourbon. Mix until combined, about 15 seconds. Whisk the warm chocolate mixture into the egg mixture, then stir in the flour with a wooden spoon until just combined.

9. Gently fold in the nuts and bacon. Pour the mixture into the baking pan, using a spatula to smooth and spread into the corners.

10. Bake until slightly puffed and a toothpick insered in the center comes out with a small amount of sticky crumbs clinging to it. THIS IS IMPORTANT! For an 8-inch pan, that's about 35 to 40 minutes. For a Baker's Edge pan, it's only about 15-20 minutes. (I baked for 20 minutes and next time, I will definitely check the oven at 15. I would have liked them a little more fudgy-textured.)

12. Cool on a wire rack in the pan for about 2 hours. Cut into 1-inch squares. Do not cut brownies unitl ready to serve; uncut brownies can be wrapped in plastic and refrigerated up to 5 days.

Note: My dad and I strategized a bit on the recipe, and based on our conversation, I sprinkled the nuts and bacon on top of the batter, rather than mixing them in. FAIL! The crumbles didn't stick and the flavors didn't meld. I also overbaked that first batch. FAIL! An entire pan of almost-right brownies were aborted and I started all over again. Words to the wise: Keep an eye on the clock and a toothpick handy. You really want the brownies kinda smushy when they come out of the office to ensure a fudgy center.

My final words: These suckers are delicious! And rich. So go easy, dino-chow lovers... and enjoy every bite.

Remember This Moment

I have been known to devour craptastic rags like People, Life & Style, and Us Weekly with the same voraciousness with which I snarf my post-workout sweet potatoes and eggs.

But this morning, I experienced the Moment That I Stopped Reading Us Weekly™ when I saw this poll:
Why am I reading this? We're fighting two wars, have the worst economy since the Depression, and live in a country where both hunger and obesity are daily issues.

It's a little early for New Year's Resolutions, but here's my pledge, just between us friends: I'm not reading this crap anymore. It will be as hard to give up as tortilla chips were, but I'm doing it for my good health.

That's Fit Success Stories: Erika Jeanne Hagler

I'm a contributor to AOL's fitness blog That's Fit. My goal when I write "over there" is to bring the "CrossFit, be a fire breather, eat like a cave person" philosophy to the That's Fit readers... shake 'em up a little bit and get them lifting, jumping, sleeping, and chowing down properly.

I was recently assigned a featured column: That's Fit Success Stories. I'm excited about the opportunity to interview people who've changed their lives by moving their bodies and eating good food. I always pick up something helpful when I talk to other people about their habits.

---

Today's Success Story turns the well-deserved spotlight on Erika Jeanne, one of the kindest, smartest, fittest women I know – and I'm fortunate to know a lot of kind, smart, fit women, so that's really saying something.
Erika and I have enough in common that I feel 100% comfortable telling her the lame/ugly/snarky/funny things I think, and we diverge enough that her perspective keeps me on my toes and forces me to think in new ways. Love that!

Take a look at her Success Story. She's got a lot of good advice on facing adversity, self-discipline, and taking control of our health.

Thank you, Erika, for being you and sharing yourself so honestly.

A Very Un-Paleo Thanksgiving

One day, stuck in traffic, I became obsessed with knowing what percentage of the time I follow my dino-chow diet. I'm seriously math-impaired, but Dave was there to help, and we came to the conclusion that I follow my plan about 97% of the time.

Since July, I've had two 4-week periods when I went completely no-cheat, and when I'm not doing that, I generally eat, like, one corn tortilla on Saturday morning and maybe have a glass of wine on a Saturday night (discounting the once-a-year tipsy Karaoke Apocalypse gig).

So I didn't hesitate AT ALL when making the decision about whether or not to indulge on Thanksgiving. It's my favorite holiday, and I keep myself on a short lease 97% of the time, so I can let the food beast on Turkey Day. I also do all of the cooking in our house – ALL of it – so tomorrow will be a super treat for me: delicious food cooked by someone else with no clean up.

I've already looked at the menu and decided which foods are worth the indulgence: andouille jalapeno cornbread dressing is on my 'yes' list, along with paté, beet and duck confit salad, and sweet potato and pecan brulée. I think the cheese plate is a 'no go' for me. I'm a brave, strong girl, but I'm not too proud to admit that after almost six months dairy free, cheese scares me.

This year's Thanksgiving celebration would be incomplete without the aforementioned bacon bourbon brownies, which I intend to enjoy immediately upon waking from my post-Thanksgiving dinner nap.

Luckily, there are others out there who are flying their Paleo flag high tomorrow. Here are some links for you, to help balance the bacon bourbon brownie recipe and photos I'll be sharing over the next few days. (And should my indulgence in delicious poison leave me in a blubbering heap of misery, I'll be sure to share that, too, as a cautionary tale.)

The Label Says Paleo
Check out this group of Austin-based CrossFitters that are in the midst of a 30-day no-cheat Paleo experiment. There's plenty of good advice, recipes, and confessions. Word on the street is that this weekend, they'll be sharing tales of their paleo Thanksgiving feast.

Jen Cardella: How to Fool a Family
Jen is a CrossFit Central coach and she shares recipes you can steal and use on your own family to trick them into eating healthy Thanksgiving treats.

Elana's Pantry
The gluten-free maven shares her favorite 2009 Thanksgiving recipes.

And finally, a silly distraction, should you need something to take your mind off food:

Mental Floss: Turkey Day on the Tube Quiz
How much do you know about the terribly awesome (awesomely terrible?) TV specials of yore? I got only five out of 11 correct, scoring a pathetic 45%.

Gobble, gobble, y'all!